Stuck in a Movie!
by Larry Cimora
Summary: Raz's newest headcase: a director with a secretive streak and a tendency to go ballistic. Rated T just in case.
1. The Exposition

And now, a story from a person who doesn't own Psychonauts…

**Stuck In A Movie!**

Chapter 1: The Exposition

Razputin, better known as Raz, was the most famous 10-year-old that no one had ever heard of. His non-fame was mostly due to his having recently attained Psychonaut rank while at a top-secret summer camp only known as "That lake over there yonder" to locals and "Whispering Rock" to its members. A spacious camp, with more than enough room for 20 members, it is also completely irrelevant, as this story takes place the following year. Raz had been touring with his father in the circus, adding some "magic" elements to the show and creating some increase in business. Everything was going fine, and the show, with good reviews in tow, hit Albany. There, many were already gathered to watch another spectacle, so it would be the perfect time to invite people to see the circus.

The spectacle: _Blue Sky, Blue River_, a new blockbuster being directed by acclaimed director Neil McGregor. It was yet another experiment by this director, as he attempted to blend several different genres in the hope of making a comic gem. His earlier work had largely consisted of blending two genres and making them fit, but insiders had read the script and admitted this particular masterwork would be difficult: McGregor's aim was to take as many genres as he could and show how some of filmmaking's most used plot devices were in fact overused by making them seem silly. While film aficionados were there to watch the mechanics of a classic (hopefully) being made, everyone else was there to watch McGregor. Having suffered a well-publicized nervous breakdown after trying to get the script finalized, he now had to deal with a crowd hoping to catch when there would be one take too many.

Raz had already had a conversation in the van about whether he could try to fix his problem or not.

"Razputin, remember what situation you got into at the meat circus," his father warned.

"Dad, I'll ask him how he's doing first. If he needs help, I'll help him. If he feels okay, I won't mess with him. Besides, Gloria Von Gouton is starring and I have to ask her how she's doing. That way I can start talking without trouble."

"Hmm. Alright son, you do what you need to do. I'll know if you're in trouble."

The next day, around noon, Raz was walking around town, posting flyers for the next night's show. Every hotel was covered, and the newspapers had posted advertisements. The film crew was at lunch break, having already filmed the opening shot and set up the next one. The crowd was thin, and most likely wouldn't pick up until the weekend, when people would have the time to see shots during the day. As a result, it was easy for Raz to turn invisible, run past the line of people, sneak past security, and head to Gloria's trailer. No one noticed when a small piece of thin air knocked on the door to the trailer.

Gloria opened the door, and upon seeing no-one, came to the conclusion that the gaffer had pulled a ring-and-run. When she turned around, she was surprised to see a somehow familiar short, purple-haired kid.

"Aah! Who are you? Wait a second, are you from, the _asylum_?" She asked, turning from surprise to apprehension.

"Yes, I recognized you and I wanted to see how your career was going," Raz replied enthusiastically.

"Well, believe it or not, Mr. McGregor discovered me. I walked into the audition room, and waltzed out with this beautiful part! I've been feeling so much better after I left. This proves that my talent is ageless. But," she continued, "I'm not so sure about this director. He isn't doing so well; he's been under stress lately, and yesterday, he started cooking us breakfast before he woke up- never a good sign."

"Maybe I can help?"

"It'll be hard to do. He's bent on finishing this movie perfectly, and he refuses any distractions. You'll barely be able to talk to him, much less get him to admit he has a personal demon or two. Personally, I believe it's his perfectionism. I mean, it's good to some degree, but ordering rewrites right and left and shooting the same scene 50 times so that he has 'a wide variety of choices' for his editors is too much."

"Hmm. Maybe I can talk to him. Know anything about his past?"

"No, he's successfully kept it secret from anyone outside the immediate family ever since he started directing."

"Yeah, that could turn out to be bad. One last thing- has he fired anybody?"

"He did fire somebody with the oven last night. He's had to visit the hospital."

"No, I meant sacking."

"Oh, no. Just threatening letters to the gaffer."

"Wow. Okay, I'll get going." Raz walked out of the trailer, thinking that a guy so absorbed in his work that he poses a threat to others was going to be tough. His head would probably be filled with movie reels…

Here he was, in McGregor's trailer. He had sneaked in through the roof because the door was triple-locked. The stove outside was still hot and covered in unidentifiable mush the color of robin's eggs. Light blue with specks. The inside was totally devoid of family photos, comforts from home, or even a little trinket. Nothing but piles and piles of paper, both neatly stacked and crumpled. An uneaten lunch sat by McGregor, an impossibly gray, thin man who kept writing over his script. His desk's particular piece was mostly black with scribbles and at the very bottom, the words "Yes, it's midnight, can't you see the room is dark blue?" He went over and over it again, until he tossed the paper and began writing the words "Don't you know that this is the darkest blue it gets?"

He rewrote the line over and over again, hoping to find a spark of humor, a memorable quote, within his concept. A third of the way down, he began to repeat previously written lines.

This was serious. Raz knew it. A small door suddenly flipped through the air, slowly rotating until it hit Neil's head. He had started to scream words Raz probably shouldn't have heard, but he was already in McGregor's mind…

All characters excepting Neil are from Psychonauts and copyright Double Fine.

Neil copyright me.

Title and basic inspiration for story copyright The Aquabats!


	2. The Complication

More of a story written by some guy…

**Stuck In A Movie!**

Chapter 2: The Complication

Raz was now inside a city. Quite a peaceful city, to add. He took a step forward, noticing that somehow, the city was deserted. It was exactly as if everybody was inside watching the Super Bowl. He looked around, trying to listen for anything at all. Soon, he noticed a strip of cloth on the sidewalk. Bending down to examine it, he used Clairvoyance on it. Concentrating hard, he put his left hand on his head with his right arm extended. _Concentrate… This shouldn't be so hard…_Raz thought. All of a sudden, a thought hit him, and a deeply disturbing one too. _Maybe… Is this guy… Dead? _It clicked. He knew that the only way this would be so tough is if he was dead. That way, he couldn't see anything. Then, by logic, everyone else who made the streets deserted must have been dead too. Raz was now thoroughly freaked out. If everybody had kicked the bucket, what could have caused it?

He soon had his answer. Tons of censors parading down the street in front of him, turning the corner. Raz was about to put his marksmanship badge to good use when he noticed that the censors didn't look so well, like they were about to barf. When they passed the public toilets down the street ahead, he knew something was very wrong. The final jigsaw piece clicked into place as he saw the censors' arms extended as they drew nearer. They were zombies. But more importantly, as he looked over the horizon, squinting, the zombie censors at the front didn't look like censors. Rather, they looked like regular people, but more pukey. Raz then came to a startling conclusion: those were regular mental residents in McGregor's mind. They had just been turned into killers. Raz knew he needed an escape route, but as he turned around, a tall building erected itself in front of him. It shot out of the ground, quickly reaching towering heights and becoming taller than anything he'd ever seen. The ornate glass door said, "20th Century Vole." Raz ran to the doors, pulling on them, pushing as well. They were locked. Raz glanced around, finally seeing a manhole. The last one he'd been in was filled with pink paint, and Raz knew this would be unlikely this time. He held his nose, opening the cover and jumping in.

What he landed in was dark, surprisingly clean, and very narrow. Raz had had experience before with openings leading to unexpected places, but this wasn't so easily figured out. It was damp, and it had a wooden bucket in it. Raz's eyes trained upwards to see a rope and crank at the top, silhouettes against a cloudless sky. Another realization hit him, worse than before: he was in a well. A well which was too tall for levitation, and to boot, contained the possibility of having water in it. Raz quickly sent his thoughts up to the crank, using Telekinesis to move it. Raz hopped in the bucket and struggled to give the crank a turn. Turn after turn, he finally made it halfway, at which point he used Levitation to hop out of the well. A woman in a red and white dress, presumably in her mid 30s, was outside gardening. Raz garnered her attention by saying "Hey!" across the front lawn.

Raz looked out and noticed that "lawn" was an understatement; more like prairie with no road in sight. The lady noticed Raz and replied in a voice drenched in Southern drawl, "Hey there. I haven't seen you 'round these parts. Like to come in?"

Raz replied, "Sure. I'd like to sit down, ma'am," knowing that this would help him fit in in order to investigate.

"Oh, well, just come in and sit down. I've been needing comp'ny ever since Eddie died."

"Eddie who?"

"My husband. Farming accident." When she said this, she started to break down in tears.

"There there. I'll help how I can. So, how are your kids?"

"They're doing fine, except for Neil. My two-year-old daughter Sally and little Will are doin' fine, I'm not sure if they quite understand it. But Neil's in second grade, and it hit him hard. He's been havin' nightmares and the like."

"Hmm. What's your name?"

"I'm Mrs, um, sorry, Miss Ellie McGregor." She was still sobbing. Raz was about to console her, but two and two were quickly put together: Raz knew that the Neil in question had to be the director. The rest suddenly fell into place, like dominoes: There was a farmer at the very front of the zombie horde. That had to be Neil's father. It all made sense. The censors had attacked Neil's bad memories of his past, turning them into zombie censors. That was what caused Neil's nervous breakdown. But now, he had to figure out what Twentieth Century Vole had to do with Neil's problems, then he could start to get the famed director out of his funk.

Disclaimer: If at any point you saw something resembling anything from your Psychonauts playing experience while reading this, it does not belong to me.


End file.
